Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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