I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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