I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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