i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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