Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize