I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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