i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
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Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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