I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize