I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
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he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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