So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize