So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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