Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize