i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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