Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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