bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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