just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The beer is more important than you right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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