Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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