You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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