this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize