its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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