I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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