i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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