I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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