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Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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