me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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