Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize