Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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