M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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