i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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