I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
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not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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