Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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