What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize