i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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