How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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