I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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