She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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