I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize