I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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