that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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