Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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