I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize