my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize