I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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