i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize