Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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