we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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