How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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