There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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