That's intense
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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