since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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